funerals & Berevement

The loss of a loved one affects us all in very different ways, and it is at this time that the Church becomes a very special place as people try to make sense of their loss.

Many people ask their local parish church and its ministers to help at a time of loss, and we feel it is a tremendous privilege to be alongside people at this time. We work very closely with our local funeral directors to ensure that your wishes are carried out, and take very seriously our ministry to you before, during and after the funeral itself.

We hope that the information on this part of our website will not only answer some of the practical questions that you might have, but will begin to answer some of the bigger questions, and bring you some comfort in the knowledge that we are here for you.

Frequently Asked questions

I haven’t been to church in years; surely I can’t ask the church for help now?

Whether it’s been a week or many years since you last came to church, it makes no difference. We are not here to judge you. Everyone is treated in exactly the same way, whoever you are, and whatever your own beliefs are. The Church of England is unique in that when a new vicar is appointed to the parish, he is given “cure of souls” for the whole parish. What this means is that he or she has a concern and care for everyone who lives in the parish, churchgoers or not, and that everyone is treated in the same way. But it is not just the Vicar who does this with; every member of the regular church congregation is concerned for the whole parish.

I’m not very religious, neither was my loved one who has died, can you still help us with the funeral?

The depths of a person’s faith is something which is really only known to God, and we again do not make judgments here. The Church of England has a basic service which we use for funerals, but this is always adapted to meet your needs. No two funerals are conducted in the same way, and they can be as “religious” or otherwise as you ask us to make them. Each service does include a reading; this can be from the Bible, a poem or something else, something about the person who has died, a “thought for the day”, and some prayers. Beyond that basic structure we work with families to ensure that we both address how they might be feeling, giving them comfort and hope, and to give thanks to God and each other for the relationship we have shared with the person who has died.

Do we need to have a service in church?

The answer to this is, No. Many people now choose to have a service at the crematorium only, some prefer a very short service at the graveside in the cemetery, and others might choose to use one of the increasingly popular woodland burial sites, or even a burial at sea. The choice is entirely up to the family and we will again try to work with you to meet your needs. There are, however, some advantages to have a loved one’s funeral in Church. Firstly, unlike a service at the crematorium, we are not normally constrained by time. We can have more time for stillness and reflection, opportunities for family members to speak and the like. Secondly, as we move beyond the date of the funeral, places often become important, and whilst a visit to a grave-side or the place where ashes have been scattered is very important, so too is the place where the funeral itself takes place. A funeral in church gives us the opportunity amongst other things to have an important place to return to, to sit and reflect, to say a prayer, or even to light a candle.

I have always been to funerals that are very sad and somber occasions, are they all like that?

Of course, funerals are sad occasions, but they do not necessarily have to be occasions for sadness. We believe that each human being is made in Gods image, or in other words there is something of God in all of us, and at the end of a person’s life we want to celebrate all that they have meant to their family and friends, and try hard to strike the right balance between a celebration of their life, and meeting the family’s need to grieve, and to tell God how they feel. As we have already explained the way in which we conduct funeral services varies widely. We can help you to choose hymns or a piece of music that says more than words can ever say.

After a Cremation, what can I do with my loved ones ashes?

Your funeral director will give you advice on the whole range of options available. We can be involved in the scattering or burial of ashes, if you want us to be. What happens to a person’s ashes is again a very personal choice and practices vary widely.

I have heard that there are limited choices with headstones in Churchyards. Why can’t we have anything that we like?

Because the Church of England is the state church, some of what we do is governed by various laws. The laws are quite complex but do allow quite a bit of flexibility within certain boundaries. Each Church is required to display the current churchyard regulations and the Rector can advise you of these in more detail.

What else do you offer in the way of support?

We are not here simply to take funeral services when needed, but to care for you throughout your period of loss, and beyond. There are a number of people within the wider ministry team who are able to offer advice and a listening ear. We can help you to speak to the right people if you are struggling with your bereavement. Once the Rector or another member of the ministry team has made contact with you after a loved one’s death, and with your permission, we enter your loved ones name on our prayer list. This ensures that not only are they remembered in our prayers but their loved ones too. We keep you in our prayers for a number of weeks.

Each year in November we hold a service of thanksgiving and remembrance to give thanks for the lives of those who have died, to which all are invited to attend.

What happens when we die, do we simply go to sleep, or do we go somewhere?

Jesus made it clear that death is not the end of life, but really only the beginning of something beyond our understanding. Christians believe that he died, so that we might have eternal life, all we have to do is to believe that this is so. No-one , except Jesus of course has ever come back to tell us what the life beyond this one is like, but Christians believe that eternal life is something very special, and something that is to be looked forward to rather than to be feared.